Why do they matter????? Why do they sometimes turn against us???? Why are some defective???? Do they make us women???
I am a 14 year Breast cancer survivor!!!! But does that mean I will be cancer free for the rest of my life? My aunt who is a 12 year breast cancer survivor just found another lump. It doesn'tlook good, there should never be a Christmas tree shaped thing in your boob!!!
My 28 year old sister has 2 lumps in her breast. She is going for a biopsy next week.
This just brings so many fears right back to the surface. I was 25 when I found my lump....Billy was only 3 when I started treatments. I didn't think twice about it I just did what needed to be done. BUT I still have both of my breasts, boobs, titties, hooters, mounds, etc.........Well one is much smaller now but it is still there.
Come to think of it, even after 14 years it is still very tender. Which I was told it shouldn't be.
I am very proud of my scars!!!!I am a WINNER in a typically losing battle.
But now I am scared all over again. If my aunts came back after 12 years, that means mine might return also. Am I strong enough to deal with it again? I am older now and the treatments were really tough the last time.
I haven't been veryy good at getting my yearly mammos done. BUT I did just go a couple months ago and everything looked ok. DO I trust this doctor? Did they really compare to my last films taken a couple years ago? I have been feelign lumps and bumps but am I being paranoid?
MAYBE I should just have a double masectomy and have my defective boobs replaced with nice perky C's or maybe even D's......Hey I hear they take tissue from your tummy to replace the breast tissue........Sounds good to me tummy tuck and boob job at the same time.
I AM SCARED!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friends............
Why is it some people just can't accept people for who they are? I have many friends from many walks of life. And believe me it is better that some of my friends will never meet others. I always considered myself to be a high strung New York Bitch, and there was a time in my life when I was very proud and happy with that. I didn't think I needed anyone. Then Joe and I moved to Florida. I learned I didn't like the person I was. I judged everyone for everything, from the car they drove and the house they lived in, to the level of their education and the job they held.
Then I met Lorrie, which btw the first time we met we couldn't stand each other. You see Lorrie is 10 years older then I am and she had already had all of her children. I didn't have any yet, so in her eyes I was this skinny bitch with perky boobies....lol yes that is what she told me about 3 months later. And I thought she was just an arrogant bitch. Well that bitch is my very best friend in the world and to this day we will always be there for each other.
See, we had moved to a trailer park to save money so we could buy a house. It was an old run down trailer BUT it was ours. Lorrie lived next door. I dont even remember how we became friends....it just feels like we always were. Lorrie was with me when Billy and Nick were born. She saved me when Billy was so colicky I was ready to snap. When I went to have my stitches removed from my lumpectomy Lorrie was with me........which means she was the first one to know I had breast cancer and she held me as I sobbed like a baby. She was with me through some of my chemo treatments and when my hair started falling out. She was there when I got my first tattoo.
I was with her many times when she needed a place to get away from her abusive husband.
Anyway Lorrie taught me what a real friend is and how a real friend would never judge you.
People are going to be friends with others that they feel a connection with. I made connections with all of you and I will not choose any of you over the other 2......
Then I met Lorrie, which btw the first time we met we couldn't stand each other. You see Lorrie is 10 years older then I am and she had already had all of her children. I didn't have any yet, so in her eyes I was this skinny bitch with perky boobies....lol yes that is what she told me about 3 months later. And I thought she was just an arrogant bitch. Well that bitch is my very best friend in the world and to this day we will always be there for each other.
See, we had moved to a trailer park to save money so we could buy a house. It was an old run down trailer BUT it was ours. Lorrie lived next door. I dont even remember how we became friends....it just feels like we always were. Lorrie was with me when Billy and Nick were born. She saved me when Billy was so colicky I was ready to snap. When I went to have my stitches removed from my lumpectomy Lorrie was with me........which means she was the first one to know I had breast cancer and she held me as I sobbed like a baby. She was with me through some of my chemo treatments and when my hair started falling out. She was there when I got my first tattoo.
I was with her many times when she needed a place to get away from her abusive husband.
Anyway Lorrie taught me what a real friend is and how a real friend would never judge you.
People are going to be friends with others that they feel a connection with. I made connections with all of you and I will not choose any of you over the other 2......
Friday, February 20, 2009
A Little bout me....
I have been married to my trucker for over 16 years, But we have been together since '88. WOW over 20 years now.
Anyway we have 3 great kids. Billy is 15, and loves to play his guitars and be a Boy Scout. He will be an Eagle scout within the next year or so.
Nick is 10, he is our little artist. His heart is in being Creative. He is happiest with either a pencil or paint and brushes and a blank canvas. He also he is taking drum lessons. And let me tell you this kid can keep a beat....
Alyssa is 5. She is our little princess. She loves to sing and dance but with only being 5 she hasn't found her glitch yet. Her newest activity is Daisy Scouts.
She is one smart cookie, even though she is in kindergarten she is reading at a 3rd grade level.
Joe, well what can I say. He is my Redneck brat and I wouldn't have him be anything else. He loves truckin but doesn't like being gone from home over night let alone weeks on end.
When he is home and time permits he takes off on one of his motorcycles. Or on the extremely rare occasion he is working on restoring his '69 Ford pickup.
Me???, well I have been lost for a very very long time. I am Joe's wife, aka Gatorsgirl, Billy, Nick, and Alyssa's mom, a daughter, a friend, BUT I lost Jenny somewhere along the path of my life. I wouldn't change anypart of my life it has made me who I am BUT I need to find Myself again.
I dont know what makes me happy for me. Dont get me wrong, I am very happy when my family is happy but if I was told to do what I wanted.....I dont know what that would be. And I dont like that.
This afternoon Joe asked me what makes me happy.................well I am when my kids are happy. That isn't what he wanted to hear. See I am starting online courses next week so I can become an elementary school teacher. Is thei my dream job?????NO but it is a profession where I can make enough money and have Joe come off the road and find a local job.
And in the end I think that is what will truly make me happy because that IS who I am........a woman who wants her loving husband and kids to be truly happy. And if Joe can be home everyday day we will all be much much happier.
And I am thinking about doing more photography, so I can have an escape from reality and stress.
Anyway we have 3 great kids. Billy is 15, and loves to play his guitars and be a Boy Scout. He will be an Eagle scout within the next year or so.
Nick is 10, he is our little artist. His heart is in being Creative. He is happiest with either a pencil or paint and brushes and a blank canvas. He also he is taking drum lessons. And let me tell you this kid can keep a beat....
Alyssa is 5. She is our little princess. She loves to sing and dance but with only being 5 she hasn't found her glitch yet. Her newest activity is Daisy Scouts.
She is one smart cookie, even though she is in kindergarten she is reading at a 3rd grade level.
Joe, well what can I say. He is my Redneck brat and I wouldn't have him be anything else. He loves truckin but doesn't like being gone from home over night let alone weeks on end.
When he is home and time permits he takes off on one of his motorcycles. Or on the extremely rare occasion he is working on restoring his '69 Ford pickup.
Me???, well I have been lost for a very very long time. I am Joe's wife, aka Gatorsgirl, Billy, Nick, and Alyssa's mom, a daughter, a friend, BUT I lost Jenny somewhere along the path of my life. I wouldn't change anypart of my life it has made me who I am BUT I need to find Myself again.
I dont know what makes me happy for me. Dont get me wrong, I am very happy when my family is happy but if I was told to do what I wanted.....I dont know what that would be. And I dont like that.
This afternoon Joe asked me what makes me happy.................well I am when my kids are happy. That isn't what he wanted to hear. See I am starting online courses next week so I can become an elementary school teacher. Is thei my dream job?????NO but it is a profession where I can make enough money and have Joe come off the road and find a local job.
And in the end I think that is what will truly make me happy because that IS who I am........a woman who wants her loving husband and kids to be truly happy. And if Joe can be home everyday day we will all be much much happier.
And I am thinking about doing more photography, so I can have an escape from reality and stress.
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